Friday, February 28, 2014

Why I'm probably not going to be posting as much as any of us want

[Added] I completely forgot I meant to do this: for hopefully more interesting reading there's still an open thread in which to discuss all things Star Trek with the other commenters. [/added]

So it seemed pretty simple, right?  My computer was dying and if I could get a non-dying computer things would be good.  There was also, I don't remember if I mentioned it here, a problem with medication.  That's been solved.

Unfortunately, my mood is shit.  Not, I don't think, "my medication isn't working" shit.  Just "Spend your whole life with depression and when you feel down for normal reasons you've already got depressive tendencies wired into your brain," shit.  If that distinction makes sense.

People who bring me up I'm not seeing enough of.  People who bring me down I'm encountering way too much.

Also it's cold.  It's been cold.  I've been wearing coats indoors and keeping the heat on "Hopefully the pipes won't freeze if I set it at this" temperatures because I can't afford to refill the oil so I'm trying to put as little strain on the supply I do have as possible.  No idea if it's working because I checked today and the distance between where the gauge is and "empty" is getting too small to measure.

I don't think that helps.  If your mood and the temperature both make you want to hide under a blanket curled up into a ball wishing for the world to go away, that's probably worse than either of them doing it alone.

And I should probably add gloves to the coat blanket combination because my fingers are really feeling it.  Though I don't know off hand where any gloves I can type in are.

Right now my prevailing feelings are that I just want everything to go away and that people who disable quicksave in their games such that it can't be re-enabled should be shot, not lethally, more in a "It'll bleed plenty and we avoid any necessary organs," kind of way.  (Moving all the stuff to the new computer has included moving games.)

I find I have nothing to say.  Which makes me feel bad because people donated enough for me to get the computer I'm writing this on right now at least in part because they were expecting me to use it to say things on this blog.

There is at least a bit of a Narnia thing, not much but a bit, I have yet to move over here and also a, "Hey, look what I can do with pictures with the new computer," post I can probably make, but for the most part since my mood is shit my writing probably isn't going to be happening at the moment.  Of course, the computer isn't going to go away, and the mood will change at some point.  (Hopefully soon.  I'd like nothing better than to wake up tomorrow morning and write, "Never mind, I feel great, here: five stories for you all," I very much doubt it will happen, but the point is that there's uncertainty.)

So --as previously stated-- Stealing Commas is going to survive, but --new information-- for a while there'll be a lull in content while I'm over here curling up into a ball.

-

[Added]
It wasn't said as strongly as it should have been above: THANK YOU.  Everyone who donated to get me this computer, thank you.

I may not know how I'll pay for heat right now, but I have a working internet connection.  I hope you have no idea how much that means.  Without one I'm basically cut off from the outside world and my life becomes nothing.  I hope you have no idea how horrible nothing can be, and if you do know then you have all my sympathy.  Empathy too.  And hugs if you want them.

8 comments:

  1. Do we need to do a fundraiser to get you heating oil?

    I hope your mood improves. Mine has also been shit of late, so I can definitely relate. :( *offers hugs*

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Do we need to do a fundraiser to get you heating oil?

      It wouldn't hurt, but I'm wary of asking for money again. I feel like all I do lately is to ask for money. A minimum order of heating oil is around $400. Currently rather lower actually: $360 but prices are subject to change.

      I'm trying to take the position suggested before: not asking for donations, not asking people not to donate, just providing information. Do with it what you will.

      -

      Mine has also been shit of late, so I can definitely relate. :( *offers hugs*

      *offers hugs back*

      Delete
    2. Donations to that effect are a very good idea.

      It's good that at least it's a temporary (desperate) situation; by all accounts, warmer weather will eventually arrive.

      Delete
  2. Hey, write when you write. No one needs to apologize for being depressed and not being able to do all the things. (Although when I'm depressed is when I most feel like my inability to do all the things makes me worthless, so I understand the feeling.) I donated because I wanted to, and I didn't expect anything in return except for you to have a new computer. Take care of yourself.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Not to say that I approve of you feeling terrible, and not wanting to write when you want to want to write. That's no good to anyone. I just - I don't want you to add to the awful feelings with feelings of guilt on my behalf.

      Delete
  3. I wish you warmth and send all the virtual hugs.

    ---Redcrow

    ReplyDelete
  4. Understandable; a lot of us have been there. Just take it easy and get better in your own time :)

    ReplyDelete
  5. Gah, I hate feeling like that. And being cold. Wishing warmth and anything else that would help to you.

    ReplyDelete